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When you have a baby, you look forward to the day when he speaks his first word. Wondering whether it will be mama or dada. (Sometimes, he surprises you with some other sound, but it's usually one of these.) That day eventually comes and your little one learns that his words have power. At this point, the power to delight his parents and bring smiles and applause.

At about 18 months, M2 had a language explosion. He was learning several new words daily. He would repeat just about every word you said to him...except "love you". Not. Even. Once. I wasn't concerned, but we all became close to obsessed with being the first to get him to say it. That first "luvoo" melted our hearts. He was almost two.

"Luvoo, Momma!"

"Luvoo, Daddy!"

"Luvoo, Bubbie!"

"Luvoo...much!"

It didn't take long for M2 to figure out how to adjust his tone and facial expression to match his words and to occasionally get a desired response. Now, if he causes me pain or spills something, he tilts his head to the side, displays a sad face, and says "torry, Mommy".

Of course, children quickly learn that their words also have the power to inflict pain. All of my boys have used the weapon of words against me at one point or another, but I'm seasoned enough to not let their words get under my skin.

"You're a mean mom!"

"I don't love you anymore!"

"I want a new mom!"

"I hate you!"

Even M2 has picked up on it and I get the occasional "toopid mom". Yes, my 26 month old has called me stupid. He doesn't yet know what it means, but he does know that it's a word that is discouraged and has a negative meaning.

Just as easily as those bitter words spill out, so do sweet words reaffirming a little boy's love for his mother. Complete with kisses and "huggies" around the neck.

"You're the best mom in the universe!"

"I love you to infinity and beyond!"

"I'm going to marry you when I grow up, Mom."

Even little words are a big deal. God has plenty to say about them. Not only do I need to teach my sons to carefully choose their words, but I need to take great care in doing the same. They will follow the example that my husband and I set.

Honestly, writing this post has been very convicting for me. I am not as careful as I should be when speaking to my sons. Many times, I am too harsh or my words are discouraging instead of building up. Please pray for me that the Lord would place a guard over my mouth. That I would set a godly example for my sons with my words, as well as my actions.

Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.
Psalm 141:3

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21    

 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 

         Ephesians 4:29

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:1

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. 

 Proverbs 16:24

Happy Mother's Day!

May your day be blessed and filled with loving little words!

Being Transformed By the Grace of God

Grace is hard for me. Intellectually, I get it. But emotionally and personally, I can't quite grasp it. Perhaps, it is because I know that I am so unworthy. Imperfect. Broken. As a result, I find it difficult to consistently show grace to the people I love most, my husband and sons.

While I've been struggling with my feelings and motivation* this past year, my relationships with my sons have been eroding. To be honest, my tank was close to empty and I hit cruise control. The problem with that is that I stopped being an intentional parent and I began reacting to most of the things my sons did, instead of discipling them. Before too long, the only things I could see were the things they did wrong. It became a disheartening cycle of bad behavior and bad attitudes...for ALL of us. Instead of responding to misbehavior with love and grace, I became stricter and angrier. And I lost my joy.

The other side of the problem is the part of me that is hung up on rules and doing things the right way. The part of me that fears that my sons will fall into the trap of sin. That they will repeat my mistakes. That they will become like me. Ironically, I'm discovering that the fruit of my parenting is the opposite of what I desire. While I know what I should do, I have a difficult time doing it. 

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 

Romans 7:15

But recently, God has been loosening my grip on my control issues {which is really fear} and leading me to an attitude of grace. Through prayer and quiet time, the grace of God, and a few different books by enlightened authors, including The Ministry of Motherhood and Grace-Based Parenting, I am having my momma spirit renewed. I'm learning to think differently and I'm changing my vocabulary. Because there are words that can build up or crush a child's spirit. 

My Turning Point

LJ, being at such an impressionable age and still in love with his momma, has been most affected by my wrong attitude and his behavior has plummeted over the past couple of months. Granted, four-year-old boys can be a handful anyway, but when their momma is being a "meanie" it can get a lot worse. He has been escaping the house and going down the block to a friend's house by himself or crossing the street...numerous times each day. He has been spouting off several inappropriate words and has been becoming increasingly defiant. Papa Bear and I have both been at a loss as to how to deal with him and have ended up being too harsh.

Inside, I knew that his behavior was linked to mine. I saw firsthand that a mother truly does set the thermostat for the family. I saw the pain that I was causing my precious little boy. I knew that he didn't want to behave badly, he just didn't know what else to do to get my attention. 

Through words printed on a page, the Lord reminded me of my value as a mother. He showed me that fear only begets more fear and that grace releases people. So, this week, I held LJ in my lap, told him how very much I loved him, apologized for being a "meanie", and asked for his forgiveness. The relief was written on his face as he melted into me. Later in the day, he went outside again and when I found him, he was sitting at the edge of the yard beside his bike watching his brother play with friends across the street. I sat beside him and asked what he was doing. He told me that he wanted to go see his brother, but he didn't. I told him that he made the right choice and I was proud of him. That was the beginning of a momentous change in our home. The tension is starting to loosen and attitudes are already showing improvement. I am beginning to feel right again and, with each step, it is getting easier to respond with love and grace toward my children, even when they push all of my buttons. 

*My choice of phrasing seems to minimize what I've been going through since M2's birth. I suspect that I was experiencing minor postpartum depression at first, which then evolved into a period of major burnout that I have only recently begun to recover from. Hormones can wreak havoc on a woman's emotions.

Good Morning Girls & The Ministry of Motherhood Book Club

I may not be posting regularly due to all of my busy-ness right now, but I am participating in the Good Morning Girls' Bible reading accountability and summer book club. It has officially started but we won't start reading the book until next Monday, May 23. There is still time to join an existing group or start your own. We formed a group with a trio of moms here in western Kentucky and have a Facebook page for checking in and communicating. We are all excited about it. Especially me, because my mommy tank is in desperate need of refueling. 

Are you doing it too? If not, go check it out!

Inspiration for a New Year

Sometimes, the Creator of the universe grabs our attention through a computer screen. Through the inspired words of another mom in a blog post. In between reading about organizing tips and cookie recipes, I am halted by words that convict me, inspire me, give me hope, and redirect my focus. 

At the Well, I found parenting inspiration while reading A Heart to Serve and Parenting on Our Knees. Most of the time, I strive to do the right thing, the right way and become disappointed when I don't get the desired result. How easy it is to forget to turn it over to the Lord in prayer first, instead of waiting until my feeble, flawed human efforts don't produce the outcome I want.

While reading Courtney's post about her theme word for 2011 at Women Living Well, a word came to me - devotion. This year has flown by and was filled with life-changing events right out of the gate. Most were good things, but I allowed a few difficult experiences to steal my joy and I put up a wall to protect myself. In doing so, I pulled away from relationships and began to grow bitter. My goal for the new year is to be devoted - to making time for reading my Bible and having quiet time with God, to becoming a prayer warrior for my family, to becoming a better help mate for my husband, to becoming an instrument for the Lord, to teaching my sons by example. I will be devoted to letting God work in my life.

"Busy mom syndrome" has become my excuse for not reading my Bible regularly and it is apparent in the fruit of my daily life. Jess at Making Home says it better than I could with her article, Like a Newborn Baby. I was further inspired to action by reading Goal Setting Tips for the New Year - From a 7 Year Old. If Kat's 7yo daughter can read the Bible in a year, so can I. 

Reading blogs and blogging can distract you and steal your time, but God can redeem it by leading you to places that will refill your spirit and refocus your attention. I have to go now. I have things to do.

As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.  -Proverbs 27:15 NIV

We Need A New Christmas Tradition

Traditions are very important, especially once you have children. You want to pass something down, have something to look forward to, give meaning to special events and holidays. Our Christmas traditions have evolved over the years, mostly as my faith has grown and matured. While I still struggle with certain aspects of celebrating Christmas, it was easy to let Santa "out of the bag" years ago. We read about the birth of Jesus every December and set up our Haba Navity blocks. I talk to my children about the real reason that we celebrate Christmas and try to minimize the focus on "the gimmies". {Which is exceptionally difficult because my mother is excessively generous, especially at Christmas.} But it is not nearly enough. 

I have not been consistent with more meaningful traditions, like advent or a Jesse tree to teach how Jesus fulfilled the prophecies and to create anticipation of Christ's coming or giving to others through charity or volunteering. It is too easy to let the busy-ness of the season and life, in general, to push us off course. We start with good intentions and then we lose track of the time and Christmas is upon us. But I am determined that this year will be different. It has to be. We need it to be. 

Our children are growing up in a culture that is working very hard to undo everything that we teach them. My seven year old wants to believe in Santa, something magical and mysterious. He sees it everywhere, television, catalogs, store displays. He has a longing for something but doesn't yet know what it is. My oldest is in the adolescent period, which naturally pulls his focus inward. Extra effort must be made to get him to reach out to others.

It's time for me to get serious about centering our Christmas traditions on Christ. If you have been reading blogs for even a short while, it is likely that you have come across Ann Voskamp's A Holy Experience. She has created A Jesus Advent Celebration: A Jesse Tree Journey and it is available as a free e-book just for subscribing to her blog. We are getting a late start with it but better late, than not at all. I look forward to starting this new tradition with my children. 

Burn-Out-itis

Being in our eleventh year of homeschooling, with a final total of five boys, you can imagine that I've been through a few seasons of "burn out". As a matter of fact, I'm in one of those seasons now. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't blogged much about our actual homeschooling. That's because we've been struggling this year to get back on track. Our daily routine is not to my liking but we seem to be stuck in it and the older boys are having serious motivational issues. Thankfully, the hobbits, Isaac and Levi, are always ready for school.

My attitude has been less than ideal for setting the mood in our home. Honestly, it just stinks. I have been snippy with everyone, tired of the rut I'm in, complaining instead of thankful, procrastinating, nagging....Ugh. Not the pretty picture I would like for everyone to have of me. And the saying is true: If Mom's not happy, no one is. I know where the problem lies. It would be easier to blame everyone else but that wouldn't fix anything. It stems from the build-up of nasty, self-centered sludge inside of my own heart. Yes, being a wife and a homeschooling momma to five active boys, nursing a baby, cooking and cleaning, and managing our home takes a lot from me and can lead to burnout all by itself. But I have been neglecting my spirit and my relationship with my Creator. I've been keeping it all to myself, letting it accumulate into a huge, black cloud over our family. I am ready to let go of it and humble myself before God. I am ready to be renewed.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, 
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.  

Psalm 51:10-12