Dec 3, 2010

Being in our eleventh year of homeschooling, with a final total of five boys, you can imagine that I've been through a few seasons of "burn out". As a matter of fact, I'm in one of those seasons now. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't blogged much about our actual homeschooling. That's because we've been struggling this year to get back on track. Our daily routine is not to my liking but we seem to be stuck in it and the older boys are having serious motivational issues. Thankfully, the hobbits, Isaac and Levi, are always ready for school.

My attitude has been less than ideal for setting the mood in our home. Honestly, it just stinks. I have been snippy with everyone, tired of the rut I'm in, complaining instead of thankful, procrastinating, nagging....Ugh. Not the pretty picture I would like for everyone to have of me. And the saying is true: If Mom's not happy, no one is. I know where the problem lies. It would be easier to blame everyone else but that wouldn't fix anything. It stems from the build-up of nasty, self-centered sludge inside of my own heart. Yes, being a wife and a homeschooling momma to five active boys, nursing a baby, cooking and cleaning, and managing our home takes a lot from me and can lead to burnout all by itself. But I have been neglecting my spirit and my relationship with my Creator. I've been keeping it all to myself, letting it accumulate into a huge, black cloud over our family. I am ready to let go of it and humble myself before God. I am ready to be renewed.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, 
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.  
Psalm 51:10-12


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