Back in March, I told you about the problems M1 has had with ear infections and ruptures. Our family doctor referred us to an ENT and after two rescheduled appointments, we finally went yesterday. As we walked in the fairly new, beautifully decorated building, I couldn't help thinking that it takes a LOT of surgeries to pay for that kind of fancy. Once we were inside, I wondered if any of the parents who watched their children play in the big, colorful play room knew about the likelihood of food allergies being involved in their child's infection cycle. M1 and I talked and laughed with each other while we waited. It was a rare occasion to be alone with my oldest son, without even M2, so I soaked it up.

We had a nice conversation with the audiologist and she even had a couple of insights to share when I mentioned Papa Bear's hearing loss and ringing ears due to his time in Afghanistan. M1's hearing is perfect, according to her tests, and she gave him some good advice about keeping it that way and listening to his iPod. Then we went to a different room and waited some more for The Doctor. When he came in with one of those reflector headbands, I thought M1 would laugh out loud, but he contained it...until after we were out of the office. I shared my theory that perhaps all of M1's orthodontic work had rearranged the structure of his jaw and palate and created the problem. The doctor examined all of M1's head cavities while asking me questions. He had me look over his shoulder at the white streaks at the back of M1's throat and explained what adenoids are. He said that my theory was plausible but it wasn't the case this time. Adenoids can become swollen because of bacteria and there isn't anything to remedy it. Altogether, it took him about five minutes to determine and declare that Mason needed surgery to remove his adenoids. SURPRISE! M1 watched me because he knew what was coming next...

To sum it up, I told the doctor that that is what I expected we would hear, that we preferred to avoid surgery if possible, and that I would check into other alternatives first. I also told him about our experiences with dairy and ear infections when the older boys were little. He said that there may be 1000 different holistic or homeopathic remedies that might work on a small number of people but don't work for everyone. He also admitted that he is not knowledgeable about other treatments since he was trained specifically in medicine. And then he said that the ball is in my court. Yes, it is. While I appreciate the need for medical professionals, I do think that people rely on them way too much and accept what they say without questioning or researching on their own. If we cannot resolve the issue on our own, after exploring the alternatives, then we'll reconsider the doctor's advice.

As soon as I got home, I went online to see if anyone else had discovered a connection between swollen adenoids and dairy consumption. I already knew about the connection to ear infections but wanted to find out if eliminating dairy resolved the adenoid issue. Of course, I found many testimonies to support my theory. Doctors want scientific studies, I want to hear personal experiences. Due to our experiences with dairy so far, I didn't have to say much to convince M1 to eliminate dairy from his diet. To make it easier for him and to resolve any underlying issues for the rest of us, we are all going dairy-free again. Except for Papa Bear. You couldn't convince him to give up his glass of cold milk with dinner, his occasional bowl of cereal, or his weekly chocolate malts.

I'll keep you updated on our discoveries as they unfold. I would love to hear about your experiences, so please leave a comment.

Being Transformed By the Grace of God

Grace is hard for me. Intellectually, I get it. But emotionally and personally, I can't quite grasp it. Perhaps, it is because I know that I am so unworthy. Imperfect. Broken. As a result, I find it difficult to consistently show grace to the people I love most, my husband and sons.

While I've been struggling with my feelings and motivation* this past year, my relationships with my sons have been eroding. To be honest, my tank was close to empty and I hit cruise control. The problem with that is that I stopped being an intentional parent and I began reacting to most of the things my sons did, instead of discipling them. Before too long, the only things I could see were the things they did wrong. It became a disheartening cycle of bad behavior and bad attitudes...for ALL of us. Instead of responding to misbehavior with love and grace, I became stricter and angrier. And I lost my joy.

The other side of the problem is the part of me that is hung up on rules and doing things the right way. The part of me that fears that my sons will fall into the trap of sin. That they will repeat my mistakes. That they will become like me. Ironically, I'm discovering that the fruit of my parenting is the opposite of what I desire. While I know what I should do, I have a difficult time doing it. 

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 

Romans 7:15

But recently, God has been loosening my grip on my control issues {which is really fear} and leading me to an attitude of grace. Through prayer and quiet time, the grace of God, and a few different books by enlightened authors, including The Ministry of Motherhood and Grace-Based Parenting, I am having my momma spirit renewed. I'm learning to think differently and I'm changing my vocabulary. Because there are words that can build up or crush a child's spirit. 

My Turning Point

LJ, being at such an impressionable age and still in love with his momma, has been most affected by my wrong attitude and his behavior has plummeted over the past couple of months. Granted, four-year-old boys can be a handful anyway, but when their momma is being a "meanie" it can get a lot worse. He has been escaping the house and going down the block to a friend's house by himself or crossing the street...numerous times each day. He has been spouting off several inappropriate words and has been becoming increasingly defiant. Papa Bear and I have both been at a loss as to how to deal with him and have ended up being too harsh.

Inside, I knew that his behavior was linked to mine. I saw firsthand that a mother truly does set the thermostat for the family. I saw the pain that I was causing my precious little boy. I knew that he didn't want to behave badly, he just didn't know what else to do to get my attention. 

Through words printed on a page, the Lord reminded me of my value as a mother. He showed me that fear only begets more fear and that grace releases people. So, this week, I held LJ in my lap, told him how very much I loved him, apologized for being a "meanie", and asked for his forgiveness. The relief was written on his face as he melted into me. Later in the day, he went outside again and when I found him, he was sitting at the edge of the yard beside his bike watching his brother play with friends across the street. I sat beside him and asked what he was doing. He told me that he wanted to go see his brother, but he didn't. I told him that he made the right choice and I was proud of him. That was the beginning of a momentous change in our home. The tension is starting to loosen and attitudes are already showing improvement. I am beginning to feel right again and, with each step, it is getting easier to respond with love and grace toward my children, even when they push all of my buttons. 

*My choice of phrasing seems to minimize what I've been going through since M2's birth. I suspect that I was experiencing minor postpartum depression at first, which then evolved into a period of major burnout that I have only recently begun to recover from. Hormones can wreak havoc on a woman's emotions.

National Police Week 2011

credit

Saturday is the last day of National Police Week 2011. Most likely, you were unaware of it at all, but as a police family, it was on our minds. In Washington, D.C., 316 names were added to the Memorial Wall. Thursday night, my husband had the honor of singing at our local Police Officer Memorial hosted by our church. Law enforcement officers from surrounding areas showed up to represent their departments. 

Flashing red and blue lights filled the parking lot for the length of the ceremony, to shine as a beacon, while the color guard stood watch. The atmosphere inside was solemn as we listened to the melancholy sound of the bagpipes and songs of  "A Few Good Men" sung by humble heroes. All was quiet as we lit candles to remember the fallen officers and honor the families they left behind. Then we moved outside to still flashing lights and silent men standing guard. The night air was pierced and the silence broken by the ritual blast of rifles, then a lone man called out in the dark "Officers 10-7."

Natural Candy Store

It's everywhere! It's everywhere!

As a mom who tries to feed my boys healthy, natural foods, it can be very difficult to handle the candy situation. In the past, I've tried to eliminate it, control it, demonize it, confiscate it, but candy is a HUGE part of our culture. You cannot go anywhere without finding it. Mints with your dinner bill. Candy displays at every check-out. Gumball machines near the door of every restaurant and store in town. Suckers at the doctor's office and the bank. Handfuls of candy thrown at you during parades. Kids bringing it home from school and parties. Commercialized holidays that seem to center on it. Well-meaning, but uninformed grandparents...Ahem.

So, I have taken turns being lenient about candy and all-together throwing my hands up in the air. One of my favorite things to keep around (when we can afford them) are YummyEarth organic lollipops. We all love them, every flavor, but the ones that usually go first are the blueberry and the pomegranate. Until now, other than the occasional organic chocolate or xylitol gum from the health food store, that was the only natural candy I had to offer my kids. Today, I was lucky enough to stumble upon NaturalCandyStore.com. I was so excited to find a one-stop shop that offers candy with no high-fructose corn syrup, no artificial colors or dyes, no artificial flavors, no artificial sweeteners, and no preservatives. And the selection is NOT limited to a few varieties or brands. There are chocolates, candy bars, hard candies, gummies, candy sprinkles for baking, marshmallow creme, fudge...you get the idea. 

So you can see why I was excited! Yes, it's a bit more expensive. Yes, it's still sugar. But if you have a choice, why not choose the better option? Think of how much less guilt you will have, especially during the holidays. Of course, if your child is allergic to corn or is sensitive to artificial colors, then you'll have a way to still indulge them with a sweet treat from time to time. With every order, you can choose a free sample (or four!). And when you sign up for their newsletter, you will be entered into a monthly drawing for a $50 gift certificate.

Now, I know you are just itching to click the link to see if they have your sweet tooth's your kids' favorite treat. 

Disclaimer: This post was prompted by my own excitement and I will earn a $5 gift certificate for any new order placed through the NaturalCandyStore.com links.

Lego Creation Thursday 5/19/11

IB is seven and that is in the peak age range for building with Legos. It usually starts at around five years old and slows down around twelve or so, in my experience. When I saw this link-up, I knew that I would have to participate because IB has been insisting on taking pictures of his Lego creations lately. He just didn't know what to do with them afterwards. Now we have a way to share them with the world! When I showed him the blog link-up and explained what I was going to do, he ran off to his room to make another creation. 

Here is the creator with his two-story police station that he built last week.